Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
