Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
