my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
