First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
