My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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