don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
