one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
