Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
whose parrot is this?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
