I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
