I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
