once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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