At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
