There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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