youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who died my cat blue again?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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