I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
