First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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