I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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