In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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