when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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