She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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