She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
