Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
