I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We got so high we made milksteak
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
