Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
