My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
