she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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