3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
