So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
