she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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