My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
