i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
