I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
