Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
