why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
