I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need a burrito and a hug.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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