I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
