I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
