Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The air taste purple.
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