I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
