im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
