A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're my little dorito
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
