I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
