her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
