why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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