K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
