I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
