ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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