handjob tips. give me some.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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