She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
