Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's like iHOP with fire
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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